I'm BACK!

Despite the anxiety, nerves, and upset stomachs, I am back and rearin' and ready to go.  Missoula is such a welcoming place, it is really hard to stay anxious for long.  There are so many unknowns with this school year, specifically regarding my thesis and thesis chairperson.  However, I feel motivated to kick it into gear and "hit it with my purse" (special thanks to program planning partner K. Hart for that little line--it got us through many tough program planning moments)!  Knowing that this is my last temporary transition for a while and that next summer I get to move in with my best friend (and marry him!) gives me all the external motivation I need! And, for you frequent blog followers, I am extremely motivated by extrinsic motivation. I also believe that my internal motivation is at an all-time high right now, I feel like I want to show myself that I can and will do this! And I will rock it!

This year will without a doubt be full of ups and downs, but a few potential "ups" to highlight are:

1) I will propose and defend my thesis.  This will potentially have many downs leading up to it, but after each presentation will be a huge UP! I can already anticipate the relief and sense of accomplishment that is to come.  Those feelings are more things that keep me motivated.

2) Wedding invitations! I am so excited to HAND-MAKE them and add mine and Casey's own personal touches.  This will likely happen over Christmas break, with the help of my family.  It may seem silly, but I really am excited.

3) Road trips back and forth to Clarkston and Missoula. While the actual drive itself is less than exciting anymore (especially in the winter), the feelings leading up to getting to see Casey and the feelings once I reach Clarkston (or he reaches Missoula) are quite exciting. I know that our relationship becomes stronger every other week when we see each other, as well as growing each day we are apart.  Distance not only makes the heart grow fonder, but it also improves our communication skills immensely! We like to look at the positives of our situation (there certainly are many), and that is one of the best. If we can communicate during these many transitions back and forth, I am confident that we can communicate through anything!

4) Visits from friends and family. I love showing off Missoula-it is a great place to hike, drink coffee, shop, eat, and hang-out.  I really can't wait until mom, dad, Nat and whoever else make it over to beautiful Montana. 

5) Courses- Health and the Mind, Body, Spirit Relationship, and Community Based Participatory Research are the two courses I am taking this semester, and they are sure to be amazing (just like all of my other UM courses).  The first one is pretty much the reason I started looking at UM, and the second one will give me huge skills that I will most likely use everyday in my future life and career.  Looking forward to both. I thrive in the classroom and off of researching for papers, writing papers, etc.  I am a nerd, yes. Also, this semester I will be teaching Stretch and Relax to 55 UM undergraduates.  I look forward to this challenge and being able to relax at least 2 hours every week in this class!

I think that pretty much sums it up.  Get ready for lots of highs and lows and I will keep you all updated as I can!

Anticipation

Here I am again...getting ready to take a big step, move away for eight months, and attend grad school at UM while leaving my fiance, kitten, house, family, and friends in Clarkston/Lewiston and Joseph.  And here I am again, second guessing myself. Even though I am second guessing myself, as soon as I consider the alternative (not finishing/quitting/dropping out), I immediately "buck up" and realize this is what I want to do and have to do.  Ok, so I don't HAVE to do it, but in my mind, I do. I want to, and I want to show myself I CAN. AND, most importantly, I thrive on learning new things and it excites me when I think about the ways I could use this degree and my growing knowledge base to help communities and individuals.  So, when all of that is taken into consideration, it sucks moving away, but it is what I want. I don't want to leave everything behind, but I do want to go...talk about mixed emotions. 

These emotions are so similar to the ones I was experiencing last year at this exact time.  However, the circumstances are a little different. I am no longer worried about not knowing anyone, because I now have some amazing friends in Missoula (they are one reason why I am not dreading going back).  I am no longer worried about being in a new area, because I know Missoula pretty well, and absolutely love it. And, I am no longer worried about how Casey and I's relationship will survive, because over the past year we have grown 1000 times stronger, and are both more self-confident as well as more confident in our relationship.  We know that we can do it, and that we will do it!  However, I now am leaving not just a boyfriend behind, but a fiance. I am no longer just leaving my family and home in Joseph, but also my new home in Clarkston.  I am now leaving a kitten.  I now have the huge task in front of me of writing my thesis...which will consist of implementing and evaluating a mentor walking program in the community [Whew, that'll be interesting!].

Basically, right now, I am just a bottle of different feelings, both good and bad. But like I told the blogging world last year, I will of course make it though with flying colors...because there aren't any other options. There will be tears, laughter, joy, and fear...all part of normal human emotions.

[Let's not add the added task of wedding planning at this point :)]