Anticipation

Here I am again...getting ready to take a big step, move away for eight months, and attend grad school at UM while leaving my fiance, kitten, house, family, and friends in Clarkston/Lewiston and Joseph.  And here I am again, second guessing myself. Even though I am second guessing myself, as soon as I consider the alternative (not finishing/quitting/dropping out), I immediately "buck up" and realize this is what I want to do and have to do.  Ok, so I don't HAVE to do it, but in my mind, I do. I want to, and I want to show myself I CAN. AND, most importantly, I thrive on learning new things and it excites me when I think about the ways I could use this degree and my growing knowledge base to help communities and individuals.  So, when all of that is taken into consideration, it sucks moving away, but it is what I want. I don't want to leave everything behind, but I do want to go...talk about mixed emotions. 

These emotions are so similar to the ones I was experiencing last year at this exact time.  However, the circumstances are a little different. I am no longer worried about not knowing anyone, because I now have some amazing friends in Missoula (they are one reason why I am not dreading going back).  I am no longer worried about being in a new area, because I know Missoula pretty well, and absolutely love it. And, I am no longer worried about how Casey and I's relationship will survive, because over the past year we have grown 1000 times stronger, and are both more self-confident as well as more confident in our relationship.  We know that we can do it, and that we will do it!  However, I now am leaving not just a boyfriend behind, but a fiance. I am no longer just leaving my family and home in Joseph, but also my new home in Clarkston.  I am now leaving a kitten.  I now have the huge task in front of me of writing my thesis...which will consist of implementing and evaluating a mentor walking program in the community [Whew, that'll be interesting!].

Basically, right now, I am just a bottle of different feelings, both good and bad. But like I told the blogging world last year, I will of course make it though with flying colors...because there aren't any other options. There will be tears, laughter, joy, and fear...all part of normal human emotions.

[Let's not add the added task of wedding planning at this point :)]