Independence vs. Loneliness

The two words have completely different meanings, but as I travel through this chapter in my life, the two notions often overlap or become interrelated.  I am certainly becoming more independent in the simplest sense of the word.  I now do things on my own- not always by choice, but because its the situation I am in right now.  I am here in Missoula, away from my closest family and friends.  I am going through this journey in this specific place independently.  That does not mean that I am going through my life independently, because that certainly is not true, I have many loved ones with me on that journey.  But in this specific journey in this specific place at this specific time in my life, I am alone.  I do have friends and acquaintances here in Missoula, but they have their own lives.  Their lives and mine have not completely integrated...yet.  I still have another year hear and I imagine I will be come closer with all of them-maybe even integrate myself into their lives.  In sum, this is an independent journey.  I am learning to be my own motivator, care-taker, and opinion maker, whereas before, I often relied on friends and loved ones to help motivate, offer their opinions, and we took care of each other.  That is what I mean by independent.  I view it as a good thing, and as a way to learn valuable life lessons that will become increasingly more important as I age, mature and blossom. 

Loneliness.  Not to be confused with independence, as mentioned before, although I feel that they can often tangle themselves.  Well, they don't tangle themselves, but they get tangled in one's mind. Loneliness refers to being alone or in a state of isolation.  Often, my independence feels a little lonely.  As I mentioned, I have many friends and new acquaintances here, but none that I feel I could call on a Wednesday night to share a glass of wine or a good laugh with.  This often leads me to a feeling of loneliness, even though sometimes I view my ability to get through that Wednesday night without a major breakdown as growing independence.  See how they can often become interrelated.  I try not to isolate myself-I love hanging out with people and relaxing, but it is tricky sometimes.

In a nutshell, by my book, independence can come from placing a positive twist on being alone, and vice versa: loneliness can come from placing a negative twist on independence.  This is why I try to view life and my experience here in Missoula with a positive attitude, otherwise, I could fall into the deep whole of loneliness rather than learning to be independent. 

As a side note: With successful independence comes the maturity and intelligence to know how and when to integrate others into your life.  For example, sometimes when I have been in Missoula for a few weeks and then see Casey again, I have to relearn how to go on my daily life with another individual to share it with.  I think we are both learning this.  We adjust to our lives without the other one in close proximity-as we should, otherwise this long distance thing would never work, we'd be on the phone or on the road 24/7, and we would get nothing done.  So as a coping strategy, we've learned to be a little more independent and adjust.  This makes getting back together every other weekend tricky.  It takes some readjusting, as I mentioned.  This continuous adaptation and built resiliency is what will allow our relationship to thrive when that amazing point in our relationship comes when we actually get to live in the same town and/or house.  We will have learned to adjust, cope, be resilient, and be independent so many times-that any conflict thrown our way will be resolved with the blink of an eye (and a little communication).  I already see this playing out in our relationships, and is probably a big reason why we have little conflict.  We know how to adjust, communicate, and thrive.  OK, that was a major side note/tangent, but is something that I have been coming to terms with for several weeks now, and couldn't wait to get it out there.